Moscow speed dating: cringe or normal?

Speed dating — a way to find a partner or a waste of time? In the MSK1.RU newsroom, we decided to run an experiment and send two correspondents to a dating event at once. They found out whether it’s possible to find a partner there or at least make a friend. We explain how women’s and men’s experiences differ — and whether our journalists would go on more dates.

A bit about our experimenters:

Ivetta is sure it’s almost impossible to find love at speed dating. In her view, it’s better to look for a partner among friends or in interest-based circles.

«I went in with no expectations. I wanted new acquaintances and, possibly, some pals. After 25, it’s harder to find company, especially when you’ve just changed cities. So I decided to try my luck and go to a dating event. I was also curious how they “match up” pairs and what kind of people show up. In short, curiosity got the better of me.»

Andrei believes you can find love at speed dating. It’s simply a way to meet and say a first hello; the rest depends on the people.

«I’ve been to speed dating before and found both romantic interest and great connections. So this time I knew roughly what to expect, but I was still curious who would come. And it was awkward. Meeting people is normal, but deliberately coming here feels kind of strange, as if we’ve all despaired. I didn’t have a firm goal — I figured if I liked someone, great, we could go on a date. I didn’t plan to look for friends, but if I clicked with someone, why not.»

How does speed dating work in Moscow?

For the experiment, the correspondents chose one of the capital’s dating clubs, where entry cost 1,600 rubles (about $16 at current rates). Before attending, you fill out a short questionnaire in a bot so participants can learn a bit about each other in advance. We wrote about our hobbies and what kind of relationship we were seeking — for example, friendly or romantic. We also clarified the relationship format: monogamous or not. There were no age restrictions.

Ivetta: In the questionnaire I wrote that I was looking for friendship and didn’t mind romance, but it wasn’t a priority. I also listed topics for conversation — books, travel, and relationships. I like discussing past experience. How a person treats their “exes” can tell you a lot.

Andrei: I really didn’t feel like spending time on registration, so I wrote the bare minimum: journalist, looking for a romantic relationship.

How many people in Moscow go to speed dating?

The introductions took place in a basement room. Twenty-three people showed up, with men and women roughly equal in number. Before the start, you could pour yourself tea or coffee and then take a seat in a circle.

Ivetta: Honestly, the setting threw me off. Everything was geared toward “homey comfort”. Participants sat on the floor, on improvised little sofas, odd mattresses, and beanbags. It should have encouraged conversation, but I would have found it easier at a table or on a regular sofa. That’s a matter of taste, though. How about you, Andrei?

Andrei: When we arrived, I understood why they asked us to bring a change of shoes. Fine — there were enough slippers for everyone, and the vibe was a bit too home-like, as if we were at a friends’ house party. Still, I was comfortable; the room was spacious, and you could sit so other pairs didn’t bother you.

«Remembering everyone is impossible»

A moderator led the introductions. He read out a name and invited the person to introduce themselves. Participants tended to mention their age, occupation, and hobbies.

While guests were talking about themselves, their names appeared in a Telegram bot. You had to put a check mark — as a sign of interest — or a cross if not. Later, pairs were formed based on these choices. Each person could have a maximum of eight slots — dates — in an evening.

Ivetta: A lot of IT guys came. The men, when talking about themselves, confessed it as if it were a sin. They also spoke very evasively about their purposes, as if trying to hide any sense of desperation. The dominant version was “just to meet new people”. Most of the women, by contrast, said right away that they came to find a partner. Their position sounded clear and deliberate.

Andrei: Don’t be hard on the guys, we’re shy! The host even forgot to call me when going down the list… I had to raise my hand and introduce myself. It was interesting how varied everyone was — it felt like there was something to talk about with each person — but remembering everyone is impossible.

Ivetta: By the end, the introductions had become easy and humorous, and everyone tried to stand out with some interesting fact about themselves. I, for example, said I’d lived in four cities. Then everyone the host matched me with first asked where I was from. No one caught my eye at first sight, but I picked out about five people I wanted to chat with.

Andrei: I usually also understand at first glance whether I like someone, so when the pairs were being formed, I chose those I found attractive. To be honest, it was a bit of a guess, because I didn’t bring my glasses and faces five meters away were already blurry. There’s something cynical about that, although in fact it’s fair — we’re all choosing each other here. I crossed out all the men right away, but no one forbids you to talk to anyone you want even if you didn’t match — I chatted with some of the guys over tea during the break.

How are pairs formed?

By the end of the introductions, Ivetta had seven pairs and Andrei had six. Each conversation lasted 11 minutes. When time ran out, a message arrived in the bot with a survey: would you like to meet up, follow each other on social media, go on a date, or have a cuddle. There was also a very honest option — purely sexual interest.

Ivetta: I got mixed-gender pairs because I also chose friendship. In two hours I talked with four men and three women. I can say this: at first it’s uncomfortable and awkward to talk about yourself, but as the conversation goes on, those feelings fade and you open up.

Andrei: Agreed — if it’s awkward at first, you quickly get used to it. I had six matches with women. I talked with a psychologist, a lighting designer, a lab assistant, someone from the rental sector, and marketers. It’s a great reminder that there are so many professions and passions around — I’m used to seeing only journalists. In ten minutes you can’t get to know someone deeply — just the basics: work, hobbies. You could check the questionnaires listing interests, but I didn’t; I just asked, and my conversation partners themselves told me what they considered important. What did you and yours talk about?

Ivetta: With the first guy we talked about our hobbies and touched on family. It was a tough conversation in the sense that it was essentially a “first date”, but it went by fast. With the second person we discussed movies and vacations in the mountains. With the third, it turned out we were from the same city, so we talked about that. With another guy we chatted about work, and then the topic abruptly shifted to our brothers and sisters — both going through their teenage years. By the end of the third date, I was tired of saying the same things about myself.

Andrei: Agreed — it really gets repetitive, but it’s always nice to land on an unexpected topic. With one conversation partner we discussed childhood, and with another we suddenly discovered that in the 1990s our parents lived abroad not just in the same country, but in the same city.

Ivetta: I also had a date with a guy from my hometown. Honestly, the conversation didn’t take off — we were too different in temperament. He was a bit pushy. Another meeting stuck with me: I enjoyed talking with one of the women about psychology and feminism. I liked one of her questions: “How do you like people to be friends with you?” People often ask about a “love language”, but here it was about a “friendship language”. It was interesting to think that through.

Andrei: We didn’t talk about friendship with anyone, but a few times I immediately understood: I don’t want romance, but I do want to talk — the women were interesting. Almost all the conversations were super comfortable, and the time seemed to run out too fast — I wanted to keep talking. Only with two women did it feel a bit forced; those ten minutes dragged on while we couldn’t find common ground. It was frustrating, because one of them initially appealed to me, and only in conversation did I realize there was no connection.

With another conversation partner I caught myself talking the whole time while she only asked questions, so I had to make a point of asking things back. It turned out she doesn’t feel very comfortable talking to people and goes to speed dating to work on that. I think that’s an excellent approach.

The dating session lasted three hours. Participants were allowed to approach and meet others beyond the pairs assigned by the bot. The host even named nearby cafés and bars where you could continue talking.

After you fill out the bot survey, you receive contact details for the people you “matched” with.

Andrei: Conversation is draining — I was tired after three chats because people are so different. Even if you connect right away, it takes effort. And the next dialogue starts too fast; I didn’t have time to switch and understand whether I liked the previous conversation partner. Maybe that’s the point: if yes — then yes, the emotion won’t fade.

You can rest during the breaks, but I was happy to chat again with one of my new acquaintances. That felt completely different — we were already introduced, formalities done, we could talk about anything. She showed me how a QR code makes the “Blue Dancers” on her sweatshirt come to life — delightful and very funny.

Ivetta: Here I agree with you. You leave the event a bit wrung out. Afterwards you want to be quiet for a while and spend time alone with your thoughts. Even now, thinking it over, I realize it would be hard for introverts to come here.

Who is this kind of dating for?

After speed dating, Andrei still thinks you can find a partner there — just not this time. Ivetta, though she stuck to her opinion, did gain a sliver of hope for a romantic encounter.

Ivetta: I’d recommend it to anyone craving new acquaintances. I’m firmly convinced you can definitely find a partner at these events because people come from different spheres. You’re thrown together with those you never thought you’d talk to. After the event, a couple of guys even messaged me and invited me on dates.

I know you had a different outcome, Andrei. While I left relatively satisfied, you were a bit down.

Andrei: I liked two conversation partners — both liked me back. Properly, I should have set up a meeting right away with one of them, but I actually went to a bar with my ex and still haven’t written to anyone. I definitely recommend trying speed dating if you’ve been considering it. I won’t go again for now, but I approve of the format. Speed dating is comfortable even for the shyest — you don’t need to ask anyone for a conversation, and no one refuses you directly. Although at one event I saw a guy who didn’t get any likes, and he just left…

If you’re interested in the topic of relationships, read how a Fontanka correspondent spent a month and a half in dating apps. She studied many profiles and compiled a whole list of “red flags”.