Transforming Santa belief into self-belief: Psychologist's advice
For many families, the approach of the New Year is a time of special magic, filled with the scent of tangerines, the twinkling of garlands, and the trembling anticipation of a miracle. The central figure of this holiday for children invariably remains Santa Claus.
Voronezh psychologist and foster mother of two children Yulia Velichko shared with Voronezh1.ru her professional and parental perspective on one of the most delicate questions: whether to reveal the secret of the New Year«s wizard to children and how to do it correctly.
Conscious Choice in Favor of a Fairy Tale
In Yulia»s family, the creation and maintenance of the New Year«s fairy tale, whose main character is Santa Claus, is given special attention.
“My husband and I consciously created and maintained this fairy tale for our children. We always wait with bated breath, watching how the children»s eyes shine on the morning of January 1. Of course, this magic is priceless. Overall, for us, the New Year is a secondary holiday; we place more emphasis on Christmas. And on New Year«s Eve, we most often give gifts that are not as important or significant as on Christmas itself,” the psychologist says.
However, sooner or later, there comes a moment when children»s belief in Santa Claus encounters the first doubts. According to Yulia«s experience, this usually happens at the age of 7–8 years.
“Usually, it happens when children go to school. They had questions, the first doubts appeared. This is not a statement that the parents lied, but questions like: ‘A classmate told me that Santa Claus doesn»t exist, and how does he [Santa Claus] manage to do everything?’” This is the moment that parents should not miss.
Honest Path: Not Exposure, but Initiation
Yulia Velichko«s family chose for themselves a path of honesty, but not a dry and exposing one, rather a beautiful and successive one.
“We don»t wait for them to figure it out themselves and possibly feel deceived. We catch this moment of questions and tell the truth, but not a dry and exposing truth, but a beautiful one, like the fairy tale itself,” she says.
Here is approximately how this important conversation sounds in their family:
“You know, Santa Claus is a real fairy tale, but a special one. It is alive, it lives not somewhere far away, but in people«s hearts. And in the desire to give joy to loved ones, to do good deeds, and to believe in miracles. Before, you were very small, and we, your dad and mom, helped this magic come into our home. We were Santa»s helpers. We chose these gifts for you with such love and were so happy watching your delight. And now you have grown up, and the most important secret is revealed to you. Now you yourself become part of this magic, you can be Santa«s helper yourself,” the psychologist shared.
The key message that Yulia conveys is not the end of belief, but a transition to a new, adult level. “We don»t say ‘Santa Claus doesn«t exist,’ we say ‘he exists, but in a different form.’ We pass on to the child not disappointment, but the baton of magic.”
Psychologist«s View: Why the Fairy Tale is Needed and Why the Truth is Important
From the perspective of professional psychology, Yulia Velichko notes that there is no clear “yes” or “no” answer to the question of whether to tell children that there is no Santa Claus, but there are clear recommendations on how to act wisely.
Benefits of Believing in Santa Claus:
development of emotional intelligence: “It develops belief in miracles and creative beginnings, the ability to dream and believe in the best. This is a skill for life”;
magic of childhood: “These memories become that warm light to which a person mentally returns home”;
strengthening the family: “Joint preparation of gifts, letters, rituals—all this cements the family.”
Reasons to Tell the Truth in Time:
“Sooner or later, the child will learn the truth from peers, from the internet, or figure it out themselves. If this happens suddenly and harshly, they may feel betrayed and deceived by the closest people. This can undermine the child»s basic trust,” Yulia reflects.
Another important point the psychologist considers is respect for the child«s intellect. “The moment when the child starts asking questions is the peak of the development of their logical thinking. They can already analyze inconsistencies, confirm certain guesses,” she added.
The key moment is the change of role: “If you simply expose the myth, you leave the child with emptiness. But if you offer them a new, adult, honorable role as a wizard or helper, you give them the opportunity to feel their own strength and responsibility. This is a powerful positive message: ‘You have grown up, and now you yourself can do good.’”
How to Understand That the Child is Ready?
Yulia advises paying attention to several signs:
the child asks testing questions (“How does Santa Claus enter the apartment without a key?”);
begins to doubt, referring to the words of other children;
tries to catch the parents (“Did you buy that doll in that store over there?”).
“There is no need to be afraid of this conversation. It is not the end of the fairy tale, but its transformation,” she shares.
It is worth telling the truth, but it should be done with love and respect for the child«s growing mind. “In this way, you do not destroy belief, but transform it: from belief in a fairy-tale character into belief in one»s own strength and the good that we can give to each other,” Yulia concludes.
