Sochi Women Reveal Marriage Challenges

Sochi is not only Russia’s main resort but also the capital of holiday romances. Thousands of Russians of both sexes travel to the seaside city for a romantic vacation — and always find like-minded partners. But it turns out that finding true love in this coastal city is difficult, especially for local women. Here are the stories of successful women who achieved everything they aimed for on their own, yet never found simple human happiness.

‘Used to Watching Others Vacation’

Natalya Z. moved to Sochi as a schoolgirl when her mother divorced her father and decided to start a new life by the sea. She finished school and college in the resort town. Then the question of returning to her native Omsk arose. Her mother never managed to settle in Sochi; she tried starting her own business several times but always failed, and could not afford to rent an apartment. Her mother left, but Natalya stayed — a grown girl. At that time, she was dating a local guy. He suggested they live together: he had a three-room apartment in Adler. Never mind that she had to share it with his parents. At first, they treated Natalya like an “outsider,” looking down on her, but eventually they accepted her.

— My mother-in-law always pretended she didn’t know where I had come from: ‘You’re from Tomsk, right? Or Irkutsk?’ She was showing off her importance. But later things seemed to improve, especially after we got married and had a child. But with my husband, on the contrary, everything got as bad as it could get. I advise all girls: never live with locals. They don’t strive for anything. They’re used to watching others vacation; since childhood they’ve been vacationing themselves all the time,” Natalya says. During their five years together, her husband worked only a few months and had no education beyond 11th grade. He never lasted long at low-paying jobs, constantly complaining that he wasn’t appreciated.

— He lives like grass in a field. He sleeps half the day, then goes to his friends. They’re exactly the same: grown men drinking beer on benches while their families and children at home survive as best they can. He comes home completely drunk in the early morning, and the main thing is that he likes that life and has no intention of changing anything. While I lived with him, I got a higher education in tourism and started working for a travel company. As soon as I started earning money, I gathered my stuff, took my child, and moved out,” Natalya recounts. She admits her husband didn’t even notice right away that his son and wife were gone. Her mother-in-law worried, calling her back, but she didn’t want to put a healthy man on her neck again.

— My father helped me take out a mortgage. I live, work, my son is already in the second grade, and no one is lying on the couch. By the way, my ex-husband is divorcing for the third time. And I still haven’t found my love. Mostly losers come along who need a woman with housing. Interestingly, all my girlfriends have built successful careers, have apartments and cars, but no husbands. Only a few got married successfully,” Natalya concluded.

Mommy’s Little Boy

Angela K. came from the Rostov Region to Sochi at age 18; now she is 28 and divorced. A long-legged blonde with fashionable lips, hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes. She has to keep up appearances — she works in the beauty industry. She is a nail technician, and that allowed her to survive alone in the resort city. Angela had no one to rely on, and her husband didn’t work out. He had difficulty earning money; he worked as a bellboy — a porter carrying suitcases — at one of the expensive hotels, but his ambitions were no less than those of a CEO. He took out his instability and dissatisfaction on his young wife.

— The more he whined, the more I worked. I filed from morning till night so he wouldn’t worry about lack of money. He didn’t want to get a higher education, even though the hotel offered it. But being a gofer was humiliating for him. On weekends, he lay on the bed staring at one spot, went to a psychologist, to the gym, and to church. And I filed — not him, but nails. But this wet blanket was still not satisfied with something. Then he quit his job because the psychologist advised him to. And I had to work and also manage the housework, because he was a man and had to be washed and fed,” the girl says.

Angela would come home and collapse to sleep for a few hours. He would go to his mother and complain about his wife, and his mother-in-law would call and lecture her that her “little boy” had lost 2 kilograms (4 lbs). The girl endured and endured, but then couldn’t take it anymore, especially since lately she had been renting an apartment at her own expense. One fine day, she packed her things and moved out, lived in a nail studio for a few days, then rented an apartment. All this time, her husband, who quickly became an ex, called and begged her to come back. He sincerely didn’t understand how anyone could leave such a wonderful, handsome, non-drinking man. Several years have passed since then, and the girl has no plans to get married. She has suitors, many of them, but it’s just not right.

‘As Soon as I Paid Off the Loan, He Filed for Divorce’

And native Sochi resident Yelena G. got burned by a “macho” from the Urals. Her first husband was local, from a large Armenian family, but died in a terrible car accident in Abkhazia. Yelena was left alone with a small child, a widow at age 24. She lived that way until she was 30, when she met Andrei. He had moved to Sochi from Yekaterinburg, worked in construction, but brought almost no money home. Yet he drove an expensive foreign car and dressed in expensive stores, while his family got pennies. Even his own son. He often traveled back to his hometown to visit his “sick mother,” never taking his wife along.

— It turned out he had another family in Yekaterinburg, where two girls were growing up. The most interesting thing is that he was divorced and married me. He persuaded me to sell my apartment, take out a mortgage — in my name, of course — and buy a larger dwelling. Which we did. And since that apartment was acquired during the marriage, it is subject to division upon divorce. As soon as I paid off the loan, he filed for divorce and for property division,” Yelena says.

They fought in court for a long time and scandalously; the woman even ended up in the hospital with a nervous breakdown. But the man didn’t give up, pushed through to the end, and did manage to split the apartment. Moreover, he managed to get the case transferred to the jurisdiction of his place of registration — to Yekaterinburg. The woman physically couldn’t travel there for court hearings, so she had to hire a lawyer and pay him a considerable sum. Now Andrei lives in Sochi with another family and doesn’t want to see their mutual son. He pays child support regularly, but it’s a pittance: his official salary as a security guard does not exceed 40,000 rubles ($444 at current exchange rates). Yelena insists she will definitely never marry again. She still hasn’t recovered.

Of course, we won’t generalize. In Sochi, as in any other city, there are plenty of examples of happy families. Naturally, there are wonderful men, but the number of wonderful women is much greater. They support their families, are successful, take care of themselves, and most importantly, are self-sufficient. Maybe the men will catch up.