Oil Worker's Wife Reveals Family Sacrifices During Shifts

A resident of Bashkortostan, who has been married to an oil worker on shift work for 18 years, has shared how her husband«s job affects the family. Read about the constant separations and challenges in raising children in her candid revelations on UFA1.RU.

The editorial opinion may not coincide with the views of the column authors. The author of this piece asked not to disclose her full name in the publication. Note that she is raising two sons with her shift worker husband and also works herself.

I heard a long time ago that some scientists somewhere proved that with shift work, family life is the most harmonious. Supposedly, the couple has time to miss each other, and then, after a long separation, they spend quality time together. I agree with the first part—missing each other definitely happens.

Even after 18 years, it«s hard to get used to the schedule of life and work of my shift worker husband. I»m proud of my husband, but shift work is hard for the whole family. When my husband is home—it«s a holiday, when he»s on shift—life seems to pause. In your previous article, the heroine said her husband works one month on, one month off, when you can at least plan joint events for his return, but we don«t have that luxury.

It«s good when you know that in a month your spouse will come, and you»ll finally reunite, but my husband«s schedule isn»t that regular. Often he leaves, only roughly knowing when he«ll return. For example, right now he»s been on shift for two months and might stay longer. For a week, two weeks, another month—it depends on how things go at work.

In such conditions, you can«t make any plans. Soon it»s New Year, and all friends are asking how we plan to celebrate, suggesting joint trips, and I have no idea if we can join. They ask if we«ll go skiing? We will. But when? I don»t know. We can«t even plan for sure if we can go to the movies together after he returns, and we»ve been postponing a wretched photoshoot for half a year.

I don«t like going to events alone, and if I do go somewhere, I feel a bit guilty. I»m, like, having fun, while my husband is far from home, deprived of the joy of meeting family and friends, working hard while I«m socializing. Sometimes he himself gets upset that I didn»t go to some meetings with friends, but it«s easier for me to skip them. Many of our friends are family people, and when I»m with them without my husband, it«s not that I»m envious, but I just want my loved one to be nearby too. Everyone is in pairs, hugging, and I«m alone. In such moments, the separation is especially hard to bear.

The second difficulty is that in my husband»s absence, all household matters fall on my shoulders. For a long time, I could rely 120% on my mother-in-law (she, unfortunately, passed away three years ago), and there are my parents, whom I can also count on. The children are almost adults now, so there«s no frequent need for grandparents» help.

But, besides that, there«s the apartment, the car, and other utility and household issues that I have to handle alone. At home, the water heater broke, the fuses blew, the car broke down—I deal with all this, gradually turning into some kind of »handyman,« which I really don»t want. How can I remain a delicate woman after I«ve loaded tires into the car myself to drive to the auto shop and »change shoes« (meaning change tires)? And I also have my own job, which requires full commitment.

Sitting and waiting for my husband to come and fix everything—is not an option. Again, it»s unknown exactly when he«ll come, and most importantly—when he does come, he needs time to recover and switch from »work mode« to »home-family mode.« And besides, I understand that while he»s working there, far from home, he also wants to rest.

A separate story is raising children, especially if you have boys, who also have a hard time when dad is almost always away. I«m ashamed to admit, but in my communication with my sons, every now and then something like »if you behave like that, I«ll call dad» slips out. I scare them with dad, which is absolutely wrong.

He tries to influence the sons over the phone, inspire them, cheer them up, but when he needs to be strict, he can«t always do it, because »the children hardly see me as it is, and I«m going to yell at them?» He misses a lot of events in the children«s lives: first words, first steps, holidays, school ceremonies, and so on.

When I praise him for how much he does for our family, my husband brushes it off—saying, what kind of »great guy« am I, I wasn»t even at my son«s birthday. When my husband is home, he always attends parent-teacher meetings at school—he prepares for them as if for the main event of the year.

For the children, when dad comes, it«s a holiday. He comes with gifts, with dances and songs. The sons understand that since dad is home, we»ll now go out more often for recreation and fulfill their wishes. This creates an educational imbalance.

In general, my husband«s arrival is a holiday for the whole family: »let«s go there,» «let»s visit those people,« »let«s invite those,» «let»s meet with these,« and so on. Just as we relax, sigh, and, it seems, get into the groove, already a call comes, and it»s time to prepare for a new shift. So we live: gray weekdays for two-three months, a holiday for, God willing, four-five weeks, and again gray weekdays.

His task is to earn as much as possible, to provide our children with education and a decent life. I also live in this mode of «achievement»—while he«s away, I have to do everything myself, »must hold on,« »everything will work out.« This is all very hard, but without the money my husband earns, it would be much harder.

Read also about an entrepreneur from Bashkortostan who decided to quit business and earn through shift work. You can also find out how much they pay at enterprises in Bashkortostan that the head of the republic, Radiy Khabirov, mentioned in response to a question about alternatives to the shift work method.