Angolan Oswaldo reunites with family after 8 years

This story could have been about the difference of cultures and customs, but it turned out completely the opposite. Chita resident Dasha and Angolan Oswaldo met in a modern Babylon, overcoming thousands of kilometers and a language barrier. And again found themselves on different sides of the globe for many years, but never lost hope for family reunification. This story from Chita.Ru is not about differences, but about what is common to all of us — about love and fidelity, about faith and family, about what still holds this planet together.

This couple is extremely exotic for snow-covered Chita, enduring 30-degree frosts (-22 °F). He is a native of Angola, Oswaldo Casu Yamba, or simply Vadu, the son of the head of a gold mining artel. She is a Chita native Daria Boykova, the daughter of an officer and a graduate of the foreign language department of the Pedagogical University. During an interview at the editorial office of Chita.Ru, they hold hands and discuss answers in English.

— Under what circumstances did you meet?

Oswaldo (O.). This is an interesting story. In 2012, I first came to China for reconnaissance to start a business in my country, to look at the market to see what was best to buy for sale in Angola. A year later I came again and decided to stay, live, and study opportunities.

Daria (D.). I studied in Chita by correspondence in a field related to English, and in the city of Guangzhou in China I studied Chinese language and literature in person. We met on the internet. All the foreigners living in Guangzhou were registered on one site, communicated and met there. Oswaldo wrote to me, we corresponded and after two weeks decided to meet.

Oswaldo (O.). It was very difficult because I spoke English very poorly, didn«t know Russian at all, and my native language is Portuguese.

Daria (D.). And I know English and Chinese. On the site, of course, I met people, but without much hope for any serious relationship. Seeing Oswaldo on the site, I thought: «He is handsome, brutal, but probably has a difficult character. It»s better not to get involved with someone like that.« But nevertheless, when he started writing, I felt interest. Corresponding due to the language barrier was difficult, we decided to meet quickly to understand if it was worth communicating further and if there was any sympathy at all.

— At the beginning of communication, was there more interest in cultural differences or still sympathy?

Oswaldo (O.). When we met, I immediately felt that Dasha is a kindred spirit. When we communicate, the understanding that we are from different countries disappears. I just wanted to be near.

Daria (D.). I had that too, although I was somewhat skeptical about the meeting. It«s hard to explain. Then came the understanding that I am drawn to this person. It»s not passion, not thoughts about bed, it was just good to be near. It didn«t even bother us much that we can»t speak the same language, somehow we understood each other. It seems that words were lacking somewhere, but it was still good, I didn«t want to part. It seems like love at first sight, but I didn»t have a first sight. Feelings appeared a little later.

— What bothered you?

Daria (D.). General distrust as a whole, not towards him personally. Some past traumas had an effect, and I didn«t allow myself to think that these relationships were serious. I didn»t want to fall into illusions. But then I realized that I am important to Oswaldo. In Guangzhou, I needed to move from one apartment to another. It«s a huge megapolis in southern China, probably bigger than Moscow. Previously, I handled moves myself — dragged bags with things. And then I wrote to Oswaldo, and he rushed from another district and helped me. In that, I already felt that he not only talks about intentions, but confirms words with deeds. From that moment, I began to perceive him more closely.

— Did the question of the future arise?

Oswaldo (O.). At first, we just dated. I felt that Dasha didn«t quite trust me yet.

Daria (D.). Six months of the relationship were spent on getting used to each other, on understanding that everything between us is serious. We didn«t even have time to talk about the future. I started conversations about parting, before we got too used to each other, because in any case it would happen at some point. I saw many such stories in Guangzhou, where foreigners from all over the world live, meet, fall in love and break up. Some of my friends had a hard time going through it, and I didn»t want to repeat their experience. But later I realized that I was putting myself on an emotional roller coaster. I still can«t give up on this person, and if we are together now, then why think about parting?

Of course, there is a reasonable question about the future. But overall, we came to the conclusion that we would find a way to be together. A year later, I got pregnant, and everything became obvious.

At that time, Vadu had a business, he sent goods to a men«s suit store in Angola. I also had a good job, and in general we were going to live in China for some more time. We dreamed that we would earn money and then move to some third country, not Russia, not Angola. We have the warmest feelings for China, but we didn»t want to stay there and raise a child. We thought about Australia, where I have distant relatives, and about Canada, where Vadu«s sister lives. But fate turned out completely differently, our plans were destroyed, nevertheless we are now together in Russia.

— What did you feel when you found out about the child?

Oswaldo (O.). I was happy and felt a huge motivation to work even more, to try even harder. We started living together.

Daria (D.). I was in shock. I didn«t plan to give birth in the near future. I wanted more stability. But I immediately understood that this is how it should be. At that time, I worked two jobs, we were preparing for a global move. I processed the information for a long time and after about a month I felt the happiness of motherhood. The desire for coziness, the urge to arrange a nest awakened in me. We moved to a new apartment, and I began to redo everything. I wanted certain blankets and matching paintings, special glasses in the kitchen, a rug in the bathroom. I never had that in my life, but it manifested. Apparently, it»s inherent in nature. I gave birth to a son. My mother came for the birth, then left, and we began to live in a residential area of Guangzhou. The place is very cozy, but the downside is that all our acquaintances lived in the center. It turned out that I was at home with my son all the time. Very rarely, once every two months, someone visited me. When Evandro was about six months old, I started having panic attacks. At some point, my phone turned off and stopped responding. I suddenly became so scared. What if something happens to me? What if I faint and can«t even call? What will happen to my son? The phone turned on after five minutes, but this thought didn»t leave me. I understood that, of course, Vadu needed to work. He was working hard — during the day he went for purchases and model shoots, at night he worked as a security guard. I quit one job because it required sitting in the office, and left only a freelance remote job. We spent very little time together. Anxiety grew, and the lack of motherhood experience fueled it, although my mother was always on video call. Nevertheless, I began to get very exhausted. Vadu gave me the opportunity to go somewhere at least once a week, take a walk. The nanny we hired also didn«t help much, because I didn»t trust her much and was anxious. We began to think that it was time to leave China, at least to Angola, although Vadu said that in general the conditions there are not very favorable for living. In the end, we decided that my son and I would go to Russia for six months, where I could recover, show my son to Russian doctors, and introduce him to his grandfather, who had only seen his grandson via video call.

Oswaldo (O.). At that time, I needed to get a new visa. I saw Dasha and Evandro off to Russia, and I went to Angola. But it turned out that we didn«t return to China. I had lost a certificate — something like a birth certificate. It could be reissued, but it required contacting the archive, restoring the account, and it took a long time to get done. Everything piled up — no certificate, no visa. For Russia, this seems unreal, because someone says that the country is in disorder, but some things here are almost ideal. Dasha and I compare some points, and I understand that. If there are delays, they get resolved. We lived in different countries for six months. It was a difficult time, but we communicated every day, supported each other and tried to return to China. While I was dealing with documents, Covid appeared.

Daria (D.). I didn«t watch the news, but I of course heard about the new virus in Wuhan. I was skeptical about it. I thought it was some seasonal illness, outbreaks of which are frequent in China. I survived swine flu in Harbin and don»t remember it affecting me or my acquaintances. In general, we didn«t take it seriously. Vadu bought a ticket from Angola to China with a layover in Kenya at the end of 2019. From there we talked via video call, were very pleased that we would meet soon. We planned that in a month he would prepare everything for our return. But after that conversation, Vadu disappeared for three days. I started watching the news and realized that China was in a nightmare, much more serious than a regular flu outbreak. Vadu»s relatives also lost him, couldn«t get through, no news. I started to worry, stupid thoughts came to mind. I imagined all sorts of things. Together with his family, we went through versions — whether he was in China or not, what could happen. But after three days, Vadu got in touch and told everything. It turned out that all passengers were not allowed into China.

Oswaldo (O.). I was given a visa for one or two years, but with mandatory exit from China every three months. Despite having a visa, me and other passengers on our plane were not allowed into the country. They just needed to find a reason stronger than an official document to send me back to Angola. I was detained, they started asking for the phones of those who could confirm that I was doing business. Since I hadn«t been in China for almost a year and a half, I lost contact. I found some numbers, but they didn»t work. Almost everyone on the plane faced the same check. Some were checked for involvement in crimes, supposedly there was a criminal among the passengers. They held us for three days, then sent us back.

Daria (D.). We had waited so long for some shift. And when it happened, everything turned out to be the same as before. Vadu is in Angola, we are in Russia, and it was scarier than the planned six-month separation.

— How was the appearance of a mixed-race child received in Chita? Was there increased interest?

Daria (D.). I«m already used to it and don»t notice anything. But of course people pay attention to my son, ask where his dad is from. Quite often they ask to take a photo. At basketball, older kids got to know him — they were interested. But all this is positive, there is almost no open negativity. In Russia, the word «negr» is not considered an insult, it«s just a statement of fact: I»m white, you«re black. However, in Guangzhou, this word is not used at all. So when I heard it in Russia, I was offended, but then I accepted it. I recall only one negative incident. My son had just started school, and boys from 4th grade began to show attention to him. First they came to look at him, then fights started. This is the only time I had to intervene to protect him. But Evandro showed himself well, didn»t pay attention for a long time and didn«t tell me. He has a lot of energy, and he doesn»t mind scuffling or even fighting.

— How did Oswaldo keep in touch with his son during this time? What did you talk about?

Oswaldo (O.). This is a very difficult period. When Daria was pregnant, we didn«t know the child»s gender, but I really wanted a boy. In China, abortions were often performed if it was known that the first child would be a girl, so parents were no longer told the gender. This ban applied to us as well, even though we are foreigners. No matter how we begged the doctors, they didn«t tell us. We tried to guess by the shape of the belly. There was even such a case: we watched the Angolan version of the show »The Voice«, and a young man named Evandro won, and we were choosing that name for the child. Then we thought: it»s not for nothing, there are so many different names in the world, and here such a coincidence. The birth of a boy made me very happy. I wanted him to look like me, I wanted to raise him and give him an education. But after parting, I could only communicate via video call, and I learned all the news only from Dasha. She sent photos, described what he learned to do. It often happens that you plan one thing, but God arranges everything differently. When I ended up in Angola and was delayed there due to coronavirus, my business collapsed. I lost my source of income, was in severe depression, but still communicated with my family every day. That saved me.

Daria (D.). I also had a very difficult time due to complete uncertainty. There wasn«t even a thought that Vadu would come to Russia. I don»t know why, but this option fell away long ago. Although I saw how bad it was for both of us. Without discussing, we came to the conclusion: for now, we don«t plan anything, just support each other. I told about Ivan, how he started walking, how he started talking, started running. We just discuss such sweet moments and give each other time to recover. After the failed meeting, we experienced severe stress. It seemed that in a month we would see each other and be together, but it turned out even worse, and it»s unclear what to do. Daily communication saved us.

Oswaldo (O.). Then came a period when hope almost faded. I had financial difficulties due to the closed business. Dasha was with a small child and only earning enough to live.

Daria (D.). At that moment, I began a severe depression that lasted several years. I even remember these years poorly — how I lived and what I felt, because everything is like a fog. I took care of my son and talked to Vadu on the phone, but I lived with the feeling that I was alone in this city, although of course my parents supported me. Vadu believes in God and said: «I know that if something is meant to happen, it will happen anyway. Maybe not when I want, but when God decides.» His hope did not leave him, but I had nothing left.

— How was the decision made for Vadu to move to Chita?

Oswaldo (O.). I got a job at a Chinese company. I managed to save money, and at some point a friend suggested going to Portugal. Since my native language is Portuguese, it«s easier to find work there. We started thinking that by earning money, we could more easily reunite the family.

Daria (D.). At that time, we began to gradually discuss coming to Russia. My son had already started school, chose a sports section, developed, and I didn«t want to drop everything. There was no point anymore. Vadu said that in principle he is ready to come, but wants to earn a good amount so as not to appear in Russia empty-handed before my relatives. We were worried about these things, thought about how awkward it was that he had been away for so long. There were fears about how my dad would receive him — a retired officer, a man of the old school. We leaned towards Vadu working for a year in Portugal, and then he would come to us or we to him. And then Vadu said that in the pursuit of earnings, we are delaying our meeting, chasing something instead of finally living together.

Oswaldo (O.). I thought that time was passing, I was almost 40 at that time, and my son was already nine. At some point, I felt that God wants me to live with my family, wherever it is. As if I received a blessing.

Daria (D.). At the same time, I also thought that if he went to Europe, our meeting could be hindered by the political situation. They won«t give a visa, deny entry, who knows what could happen in a year. And then again, it»s unknown how long to wait. Discussing this, we came to the conclusion that we just need to live together, and that«s it. Suddenly it became somehow easy, all fears about dad, about money, and everything like that disappeared. Surprisingly, the strongest worry was in vain. Dad received Vadu very well. He is a reserved person, not used to showing his emotions. But dad showed with actions that he is glad to have him. I think he is glad that his grandson has his biological father and the family is finally together.

— What do you plan to do in Chita?

Oswaldo (O.). I was tormented by fears about what I could do in Russia. But then we also realized that there is actually something to do here. In China, I worked as a professional trainer because I have been doing sports since childhood. The Chinese were interested not only because of good workouts, but also because I am a foreigner and they could practice their English with me. If I get documents allowing me to work, this is also possible in Chita. In life, I have two passions: sports and business. Fitness is not only helping myself, but also the people I train. When I train a person, I like to see how he changes not only in body, but also in mood — becomes more confident and gains motivation. For business, I need more time to understand how the Russian market works and what interesting things can be done here.

— Was Evandro waiting for dad? What was your meeting like?

Oswaldo (O.). Very emotional. I hugged him, and my heart was beating very fast. When we first hugged at the airport, I felt that my heart stopped bleeding. I felt calm. The boy wanted to interact with a man, to wrestle with someone. When we first went to the gym together, my dream came true: to have a workout with my son. I have experience in sports, and I need to pass it on to someone. Now my dreams are coming true.

Daria (D.). Of course, my son is very happy to see his dad. But sometimes he doesn«t understand what»s happening. Vadu has only been here about three months, and Ivan sometimes asks: «Will dad definitely not leave? Is his visa in order?»

— Does Vadu plan to obtain Russian citizenship?

Daria (D.). For now, he only has a visa. The second step is a temporary residence permit, which is given for three years. Then a residence permit is issued, and only then citizenship. We have now submitted documents for a temporary residence permit, which gives the right to work. But he also needs to pass a Russian language exam — it«s quite difficult. But it really helps to learn the language.

— There is a stereotype that people with African roots tolerate frost very poorly. How did Vadu perceive our -35?

Oswaldo (O.). I myself don«t believe I»m here. In severe frost, I get a headache, but it goes away if I sleep a little longer. Apparently, the body adapts that way. I didn«t even catch a cold in winter. Where there is love, you can endure the frost. It doesn»t matter that it«s minus 40 outside, the main thing is that we are together.

Daria (D.). Actually, this is our first New Year together. So all difficulties fade into the background.

— How do you combine different cultures? What traditions from Vadu«s family and Dasha»s family have united in your family?

Daria (D.). We don«t have a feeling that we are from different cultures and that we are combining something. In Guangzhou, we lived and were friends with people from different countries, and it seemed that we had traveled the whole world. I think that Vadu and I are easy to be together because of a similar worldview. I don»t feel that he is from another country. It seems that he has always lived here. Even all Russian food appealed to him.

Oswaldo (O.). I pay close attention to nutrition so that workouts give results. Everything that is cooked in the family is good for sports. A bit shocking is that people like to drink.

Daria (D.). Vadu has met almost all the neighbors in our building. During the New Year holidays, some guys invited him over for a drink.

— What habits or character traits seemed strange at first, but then became endearing and familiar?

Oswaldo (O.). We«ve known each other for over ten years. Sometimes she is very emotional. My duty is to take care of her, I should advise and help her. During the separation, we haven»t changed much. The only difference is that distance has taught us to be more patient with each other and to value each other and family more. Of course, we have some misunderstandings.

Daria (D.). There is one thing I am still learning to live with. Due to my emotionality, it«s important for me to be in constant contact with Vadu — to be close, to touch each other. If I feel bad, I need to talk. Vadu is the opposite; if he is not in the state, he needs peace, needs silence, sometimes even a day or two. He puts his thoughts in order. During that time, I might imagine things, but I»m getting used to this trait.

— What have you taught each other over the years?

Daria (D.). I continue to learn to be like Vadu — faithful to my dream and to maintain calm.