I'm Bored! Why Kids Forget to Play Alone

This year, for the first time, I caught myself thinking something I«m even ashamed to say out loud. I»m counting down the days until September 1. Not because I don«t love my son. On the contrary. It»s just that he«s 11. He didn»t go anywhere for the summer. No camp, no trip to grandma«s, no familiar school life. I work from home. He»s home too. Every day.

At first, I jumped into action. It seemed like the problem was simple to solve: I just needed to come up with more interesting activities. We went for walks, explored new places, rode bikes, went to the Volga River. I checked city event listings more often than my work email. But before long, the same phrase would ring out: «Mom, I»m bored…«

Honestly, at first I took those words as a personal failure. So I«m not trying hard enough? Not entertaining enough? Am I a bad mom? Then I noticed something strange: the more I tried to fill every free minute, the sooner my son would get bored again.

At some point, I stopped blaming myself and decided to figure things out. Maybe modern children experience free time differently? And why do parents confess to each other in the summer that they dream of the start of the school year?

With these questions, our colleague from 63.RU turned to psychologists, doctors, and educators. And it turned out the problem is much deeper than it seems.

Why children aged 10–12 get bored more often

Eleven years old is almost an adult age. The child can already go to the store on his own, stay home alone, and use a phone better than his parents. But specialists call this age one of the most difficult. The child has outgrown simple games but hasn«t yet learned to organize his own life.

Marina Kalyuzhnaya, a psychiatrist-narcologist and founder of the Dr. Kalyuzhnaya Clinic, says that parents often misunderstand the very nature of boredom: «When a child says, »I«m bored,» adults perceive it as a request to immediately find entertainment. In reality, most often he is communicating something else: he still finds it hard to come up with something to do on his own. This is a normal stage of growing up. The skill of organizing one«s free time does not appear on its own.»

According to the specialist, modern children generally have a harder time than previous generations. Twenty years ago, summer was spent in yards where games arose spontaneously. You had to negotiate, come up with rules, find ideas. Today, most entertainment is already ready — just open your phone. And that«s why a child finds it unusual to be alone with his thoughts.

«Boredom is not an enemy, but a very important state,» continues Marina Kalyuzhnaya. «It is in such moments that imagination begins to work. As long as an adult doesn»t interfere every five minutes, the child gradually learns to find ideas on his own.«

This sounds unexpected. But specialists say: boredom is not a problem that needs to be urgently eliminated. It can be the beginning of independence.

Why ordinary life seems boring after the phone

However, there is a reason why modern children really do find it harder to endure free time. It«s gadgets.

And it«s not about the phone being evil. Experts say the problem is different. The screen constantly offers ready-made emotions. Every few seconds — a new picture, a new video, a new game, a new story. The brain gets used to receiving pleasure almost without effort.

Psychologist Evgeny Guryev explains: «Attention works much like muscles. If a person stops training, it becomes difficult for him to perform even usual loads. The same happens with concentration. When a child spends hours switching between short videos, it becomes harder for him to focus on one thing for a long time — reading a book, building something with his hands, or simply playing without a ready-made script.»

Psychologist Kubat Kanimetov notes that over time, the gadget begins to perform not only an entertainment function for the child but also an emotional one.

«Very quickly, the phone becomes a way to cope with almost any experience. Bored — open a video. Sad — start a game. Anxious — start scrolling the feed. Gradually, the child gets used to not living through emotions but switching away from them with the screen.»

According to the specialist, that«s why the parents» task is not just to limit time with gadgets, but to help the child master other ways of coping with his feelings.

«When a child learns to endure boredom, wait, fantasize, find an activity on his own, he develops emotional resilience. And it is this skill that helps him cope with stress in the future without a constant need to be distracted by a screen.»

That«s why, experts explain, after several hours on the phone, an ordinary day can seem too slow, too quiet, too boring. In reality, the world around hasn»t changed. The brain«s expectations have changed.

Why parents start waiting for September 1 in the summer

When I first started collecting comments for this article, I thought the main problem was children«s boredom. But almost every expert unexpectedly turned the conversation to parents. Because it is adults who, by mid-July, most often find themselves emotionally drained.

During the school year, family life is structured clearly. In the morning, everyone goes about their own business. School. Work. Extracurriculars. Homework. Even if parents are tired, each person has their own space. In the summer, this system collapses. Children stay home. Parents continue to work. And suddenly it turns out that the adult must simultaneously hold a meeting, cook lunch, answer work emails, and think of something to keep the child busy. Not just once. But every day. For weeks.

That«s why many parents catch themselves thinking, »When will summer finally end?« It»s scary to say it out loud. It seems such thoughts mean a lack of love. But psychologists say the opposite: love and fatigue can perfectly coexist. A parent also has the right to be tired.

Psychologist Larisa Verchinova says that in the summer, the amount of emotional load sharply increases: «During the holidays, an adult often finds himself in several roles at once. He remains a parent, continues to work, becomes an entertainer, a teacher, a driver, a cook, and the person responsible for literally every free minute of the child. Such constant switching very quickly exhausts emotional resources.»

It is especially hard for those who work remotely. To a child, mom or dad is at home. That means they are available. For an adult, this is a workday. But explaining this difference to an eleven-year-old is not always easy. Every twenty minutes comes: «Mom… Look… Can I… I»m bored…« At some point, it»s not the request itself that starts to irritate, but its endless repetition. And that is an absolutely normal reaction.

Family psychologist Rodion Chepalov believes that in the summer, many families face an unexpected problem — too much free time: «Parents think the child has finally gotten long-awaited freedom. But freedom is also a skill. If a person has never learned to plan his day independently, it is hard for him to suddenly manage twelve free hours.»

According to the specialist, that«s why children need guidelines. Not a strict schedule planned to the minute, and not total chaos, but a clear structure for the day. For example, the child knows that in the morning he helps around the house, then goes for a walk, after lunch he can play or meet friends, and in the evening the family spends time together. Such simple agreements reduce the number of conflicts. And, importantly, gradually teach the child to manage his time.

Parents are not entertainers

The hardest feeling, familiar to almost every mother, is guilt. The child is bored. So I organized the holidays poorly. The neighbors« kids go to camps. Friends have new photos from excursions every day. Online — perfect parents who come up with something incredible every week. And you can»t help comparing.

Psychologist Olga Ivanova believes that many parents try to instantly relieve the child of boredom because they themselves feel anxious: «It seems to us that if a child is bored, then we have missed something. But in reality, the desire to immediately fill every free minute is more of an attempt by the adult to cope with his own guilt.»

According to the specialist, sometimes the best way to help a child is to stop rescuing him from every minute of boredom.

«If an adult constantly offers ready-made activities, the child gets used to expecting ideas to come from outside. But when we pause and don»t rush to intervene, he has the opportunity to think up a game himself, find an interesting activity, or simply be alone with his thoughts. That is how independence gradually forms.«

Why social media makes us feel like bad parents

Psychologist Nika Bolzan is confident that today the feeling of parental guilt is largely fueled by social media. We see beautiful photos. Trips. The sea. Camps. Family picnics. It seems like everyone else is having a perfect summer. Except us.

«In reality, we compare our real life to someone else»s shop window,« the specialist explains. »No one posts photos of tantrums, exhaustion, or days when the whole family just sat at home. This creates a feeling that only we are not coping.«

That«s why the psychologist advises to stop evaluating your holidays through other people»s posts. For a child, what matters much more is not the number of trips, but the feeling of safety, a calm home atmosphere, the opportunity to talk, a shared dinner, an evening walk. It is these moments that children most often remember years later.

What to do when patience runs out

Marina Kalyuzhnaya suggests starting not with the child, but with yourself: «Parents often try to stay calm until the last moment, and then they snap. It is much more useful to notice the moment when fatigue is just beginning to build up and give yourself a short break.»

It could be just ten minutes. Have some tea. Sit in silence. Step onto the balcony. Take a few deep breaths. Such a short rest helps not only the adult. It prevents you from passing your irritation onto the child.

Nika Bolzan adds that it is very important to honestly tell children about your state. Not shouting. Not giving long lectures. But calmly explain: «I»m tired right now. I need a little time to rest. Then we«ll talk for sure.»

The child understands such words much better than an irritated shout. And at the same time, he learns an important skill — respecting others« boundaries.

Sometimes the best day is the most ordinary

While I was writing this material, I caught myself thinking that most of my childhood memories are not at all connected with expensive entertainment. I almost don«t remember the cost of trips or the menus at cafes. But I perfectly remember evening games in the yard, trips for ice cream, the smell of hot asphalt after rain, conversations in the kitchen.

Perhaps this is the main secret of a good summer — not to make it perfect, but to live it together. Without a constant race for impressions. Without the feeling that every day must be a holiday. Because a child needs a calm adult nearby much more than a tired entertainer who is afraid to leave him alone with boredom.

Should children study in summer or be left alone?

Perhaps no question causes as much debate among parents as summer studies. Some believe that three months without learning is too long a break. Others are sure: the child worked all year and deserves a full rest. Where is the truth? As it turns out, both sides are right in their own way.

Teacher Anna Soldaeva believes that the main mistake parents make is to perceive summer as a continuation of the school year: «When holidays turn into a second school, the child very quickly loses motivation. It is important to maintain an interest in knowledge, not to force completing as many assignments as possible.»

According to the specialist, learning in summer can look completely different. Without notebooks, without grades, without tests. Math — during shopping. Geography — while exploring your hometown. Biology — during a walk in the park. History — in conversations about old buildings of Samara. The child continues to learn. He just doesn«t notice it.

Why some knowledge really is lost

At the same time, specialists don«t advise forgetting about studies entirely. Teacher Lyudmila Dragonevskaya reminds of a phenomenon called summer slide — a decline in academic skills during summer: »After three months off, children really do find it harder to return to their usual workload. This especially applies to reading, writing, arithmetic, and foreign languages. But that doesn«t mean that in summer you need to solve dozens of examples every day. It is much more effective to study a little but regularly.»

For example: read for 15–20 minutes a day, solve a few interesting problems, play logic board games, listen to audiobooks, keep a travel or observation diary. This way the child maintains skills without feeling that the holidays ended early.

Curiosity matters more than grades

Natalia Kozyakova suggests parents ask themselves a simple question: what is more important — that the child completes a hundred exercises or that he is still interested in learning new things?

«A good summer is not the one after which the child solved a thousand examples. It is the summer after which he wants to ask questions and find answers.»

According to the expert, holidays offer a unique opportunity to go beyond the school curriculum. If a child is interested in space, study space. Loves animals — look for information about animals. Is fascinated by technology — figure out how mechanisms work. Interest becomes much stronger than any coercion. That«s why specialists advise making summer about curiosity, not control.

«If a child read five books of his own free will over the summer, that is much more valuable than fifty pages he slogged through through gritted teeth.»

What can be done for free

So what should parents do now? The answer is unexpectedly simple: stop thinking that a good summer must be bought.

There are plenty of free events in summer: city festivals, library programs, family master classes, outdoor film screenings, excursions, museum events. But psychologists say: don«t turn every week into a mandatory cultural program.

Sometimes it«s enough to just change your usual route. Instead of a shopping mall — a walk through the old town. Instead of another hour on the phone — a bike ride along the embankment. Instead of a cafe — a picnic in the park. You can suggest the child come up with his own route, find the oldest building on the street, photograph unusual balconies, count monuments, make a map of favorite places.

Such walks don«t require big expenses, but they teach you to notice the city we live in. And sometimes that»s exactly what modern children lack.

Checklist for parents

Don«t try to fill every minute of your child»s day;

Don«t be afraid of the words »I«m bored»;

Don«t compare your summer to other people»s photos on social media;

Don«t try to replace friends, the yard, camp, and the whole world;

Maintain a clear sleep and eating schedule;

Make sure your child drinks enough water and moves every day;

Talk. Read together. Cook together;

Allow your child to make mistakes, look for ideas, and sometimes do nothing;

And be sure to leave time for yourself. A tired parent doesn«t become better by feeling guilty.

Boredom is sometimes useful

When I started writing this material, I thought it would be about how to entertain a child in summer. But it turned into a completely different story. It turned out that children don«t always need new impressions. Sometimes they need pauses. Time without a schedule. The opportunity to invent something on their own.

And parents, perhaps, need to allow themselves not to be perfect. Not to be entertainers. Not to be organizers of an endless party. But just to be moms and dads.

As Marina Kalyuzhnaya said: «If we rescue a child from every minute of boredom, we deprive him of the opportunity to learn to create something himself.» I suppose that is the main discovery of this summer.

Yesterday my son said again: «Mom, I»m bored.«

I smiled: «Well, be bored. They say it»s sometimes useful.«

About forty minutes later, I looked out into the yard. In the middle of the yard stood a strange fortress made of old boxes, boards, and a clothesline. Nearby lay a hammer, a plastic bucket, and a pile of some «very necessary» sticks.

«What»s this?« I asked.

«I don»t know yet,« he replied. »But I«m already curious to see what will come of it.»

And it seemed to me that this is exactly what a real summer should look like.