Tyumen businesswoman reveals paying abusive ex-husband over 10 million

Polina Bakhareva, a well-known Tyumen businesswoman and founder of the brand Paola Macaron, gave a candid interview in which she spoke about her marriage to an abuser. In a conversation with the host of the YouTube channel «Not Usually Discussed», she admitted to enduring horrific abuse from her ex-husband — from insults to sexual coercion. After the breakup, the Tyumen woman had to not only support her three children alone but also pay alimony to her ex-lover.

Polina Bakhareva grew up without a father. She got married at 18 to a man who was 13 years older than her. Due to her inexperience in relationships, the Tyumen woman did not immediately recognize the red flags in her communication with her lover. According to her stories, even during the wedding preparations, strange moments arose.

«The wedding was approaching. I went to Surgut to a friend’s place to get a wedding dress, bought it and decided to make a surprise. I thought he would be surprised and happy to see me. I come home, and he starts yelling at me with swear words: “Why didn’t you warn me, maybe I have two women in the apartment, we’re running around naked”», the Tyumen woman recalls.

That was their first serious scandal, she packed up and left. But the fiancé found her, took her passport. And in the end, they reconciled.

In the interview, the woman explained why she endured the abuse for 11 years. It turned out that the man literally isolated her from relatives and friends, who, by the way, had already hinted to her about the abnormality of such a relationship. Over time, the husband not only prevented her from communicating with everyone but also turned her against them. She succumbed to these beliefs.

The first three years of marriage were a real trial for the Tyumen woman. The husband began to reproach her for being overweight, although the woman always exercised and watched her figure. But young Polina fell for this provocation as well. She tormented herself with diets and, along with anorexia, also developed infertility.

Frightened by such serious consequences, the woman started eating again, gaining weight, and taking care of her health.

«Naturally, when they tell me I will never give birth, I start to grieve, cry, and want many children, going to doctors. And the first pregnancy — was a huge happiness for me. But he did not share this happiness with me. That is, at every stage, I did not receive the emotion that I invested myself», she says.

She admitted that she grew up with Soviet upbringing, so she endured everything and considered it normal. She had no example of a family where things were different.

The Tyumen woman was subjected to psychological and physical violence. But it was not about physical assault.

«I could not say no,» says Polina in the interview when asked if her husband forced her into sex, «and I could not be the initiator. Everything was only according to his desire. Regardless of whether I was pregnant, a nursing mother, had just given birth, or hadn’t slept all night because of the child.»

Polina was constantly criticized. The reason could even be how she managed her own money. The man was dissatisfied even with the celebration of their fifth wedding anniversary and refused to go to the already booked restaurant.

Therefore, the Tyumen woman understood that she needed to earn money herself. So, she started making desserts to order at home, and then, after selling her grandfather’s apartment, she opened a small confectionery workshop. During the same period, she found out that her husband had invested all the money in stocks and lost everything to the last penny. Polina was pregnant with their second child at the time.

«He was so afraid to tell me for a long time, sat and cried… He lost the money we were saving for an apartment. But I supported him. I was the rescuer again in this situation,» the Tyumen woman recalls.

They had a difficult period. The money that Polina earned went to support the family. The husband was left without any income. And this continued for some time. When the Tyumen woman found out about the third pregnancy, her lover asked her to have an abortion.

«He told me to get rid of the child because we couldn’t afford it. I was so surprised by this. I thought, well, do something else besides sitting at the computer all day and playing chess,» she says, «I made it clear to him that if I heard again that we don’t need this child, then he wouldn’t see me anymore.»

In the end, Polina decided to divorce. But for another three years after that, she had to bear the full burden of not only her business and children but also her ex-husband.

She signed a document that obligated her to pay him a percentage of the business profits. She also agreed to give up part of the property. So the Tyumen woman’s business grew, and the ex-husband only enriched himself from it.

«When I calculated that I had paid him over 10 million rubles (approximately $100,000 at current rates), I felt sick. This is a huge amount from the profit I receive. It’s really not easy for me to maintain that standard of living with the children. I have no car, no apartment. All the working capital goes into the business,» says the Tyumen woman, «I supported the tyrant husband for three years. The minimum amount he received from me was 300,000 rubles (approximately $3,000).»

Nine years ago, Polina Bakhareva, then a young mother, started baking macarons right in her kitchen. Without a business plan, but with great inspiration. In five years, she not only built a successful business and became a mother three times but also managed to elevate the Paola Macaron brand to a level where it is known not only in Tyumen but also beyond the country. Read her story in a separate article.