Oswaldo finds his family in Chita after years apart

This story could have been about cultural differences and customs, but it turned out to be the opposite. Dasha from Chita and Oswaldo from Angola met in a modern Babylon, overcoming thousands of kilometers and a language barrier. They ended up on opposite sides of the globe for many years again, but did not lose hope for family reunification. This story is not about differences, but about what is common to all of us — about love and loyalty, faith and family, about what else this planet stands on.

This couple is maximally exotic for snowy Chita, experiencing 30-degree frosts (-22°F). He is Oswaldo Kasu Yamba, a native of Angola, or simply Vadu, the son of a gold mining artel manager. She is Daria Boikova from Chita, the daughter of an officer and a graduate of the foreign language department of a pedagogical university. During the interview at the editorial office of Chita.Ru, they hold hands and discuss answers in English.

— Under what circumstances did you meet?

Oswaldo (O.). This is an interesting story. In 2012, I first came to China for reconnaissance, to start a business in my country, to look at the market, what is better to buy for sale in Angola. A year later, I came there again and decided to stay, live, study opportunities.

Daria (D.). I was studying in Chita by correspondence in a field related to English language, and in the city of Guangzhou in China, I was studying Chinese language and literature full-time. We met online. All foreigners living in Guangzhou were registered on one website, communicating and meeting there. Oswaldo wrote to me, we corresponded and after two weeks decided to meet.

O. It was very difficult because I spoke English very poorly, didn«t know Russian at all, and my native language is Portuguese.

D. And I know English and Chinese. On the site, I, of course, met people, but without much hope for any serious relationships. Seeing Oswaldo on the site, I thought: «He is handsome, brutal, but probably has a difficult character. Better not get involved with such a person.» But nevertheless, when he started writing, I felt interested. Corresponding due to the language barrier was hard, we decided to meet quickly to understand if it was worth communicating further and if there was any sympathy or not.

— At the beginning of communication, was there more interest in cultural differences or still sympathy?

O. When we met, I immediately felt that Dasha was a kindred spirit. When we communicate, the understanding that we are from different countries fades. I just wanted to be near.

D. I had that too, although I was somewhat skeptical about the acquaintance. It«s hard to explain. Then came the understanding that I was drawn to this person. It»s not passion, not thoughts about bed, it was just good to be near. It didn«t even bother us much that we couldn»t speak the same language, we somehow understood each other. It seems like somewhere words were lacking, but it was still good, I didn«t want to part. It»s like love at first sight, but for me, it wasn«t the first glance. Feelings appeared a bit later.

— What made you wary?

D. Simple distrust in general, not towards him personally. Some past traumas affected, and I didn«t allow myself to think that this relationship was serious. I didn»t want to fall into illusions. But then I understood that I was important to Oswaldo. In Guangzhou, I needed to move from one apartment to another. It«s a huge metropolis in southern China, probably bigger than Moscow. Before, I handled moves myself — dragged bags with things. But here I wrote to Oswaldo, and he rushed from another district and helped me. In this, I felt that he not only talks about intentions but confirms words with deeds. From that moment, I started perceiving him closer.

— Did the question of the future arise?

O. At first, we just dated. I felt that Dasha didn«t fully trust me yet.

D. Half a year of the relationship went into warming up, into understanding that everything was serious with us. We didn«t even really have time to talk about the future. I started conversations about breaking up, before we got too used to each other, because at some point it would happen anyway. I saw many such stories in Guangzhou, where foreigners from all over the world live, meet, fall in love, and break up. Some of my friends had a hard time experiencing it, I didn»t want to repeat their experience. But later I understood that I was setting up emotional swings for myself. I still can«t refuse the person, and if we are together now, why think about breaking up?

Of course, the reasonable question about the future. But in general, we came to the point that we would find a way to be together. After a year, I got pregnant, and everything became obvious.

At that time, Vadu had a business, he was sending goods to a men«s suit store in Angola. I also had a good job, and in general, we planned to live in China for some more time. We dreamed that we would earn money now and then move somewhere to a third country, not Russia, not Angola. We both have the warmest attitude towards China, but we didn»t want to stay there and raise a child. We thought about Australia, where I have distant relatives, then about Canada, where Vadu«s sister lives.

But fate turned out completely differently, our plans were destroyed, nevertheless now we are together in Russia.

— What did you feel when you learned about the child«s appearance?

O. I was happy and felt huge motivation to work even more, to try even harder. We started living together.

D. I was in shock. I didn«t plan to give birth in the near future. I wanted more stability. But I immediately understood that it should be this way.

At that moment, I was working two jobs, we were setting up for a global move. I processed the information for a long time and after about a month felt the happiness of motherhood. A craving for coziness awoke in me, a desire to set up a nest. We moved to a new apartment, and I started redoing everything. I wanted certain blankets and matching paintings, special glasses in the kitchen, a rug in the bathroom. I never had this in my life, but here it appeared. Apparently, it«s laid down by nature.

I gave birth to a son. My mother came for the birth, then left, and we started living in a residential district of Guangzhou. The place is very cozy, but the downside is that all our acquaintances lived in the center. It turned out that I was at home with my son all the time. Very rarely, once every two months, someone came to visit me.

When Evandro was about six months old, I started having panic attacks. At some point, the phone turned off and stopped responding. I suddenly became so scared. What if something happens to me now? What if I faint and before that can«t even call? What will happen to my son? The phone turned on after five minutes, but this thought didn»t leave me.

I understood that, of course, Vadu needed to work. He was really grinding then — during the day he went for purchases and model shootings, at night he worked part-time in security. I quit one job because it required sitting in the office, and kept only part-time remote work. We spent very little time together. Anxiety grew, and the lack of motherhood experience fueled it, although my mother was always on video call. Nevertheless, I became very exhausted. Vadu gave me the opportunity to at least once a week go somewhere, take a walk.

The nanny we hired didn«t help much either, because I didn»t trust her much and was anxious. We started thinking that it was time to leave China at least for Angola, although Vadu said that in general, conditions there are not too favorable for life. In the end, we decided that the two of us with our son would go to Russia for six months, where I could recover, show our son to Russian doctors, introduce him to his grandfather, who had only seen his grandson on video call.

O. At this time, I needed to get a new visa. I saw Dasha and Evandro off to Russia, and I went to Angola. But it turned out that we didn«t return to China.

I had lost a certificate — something like a birth certificate. It could be made again, but it required contacting the archive, restoring the account, and it didn«t work out for a long time. Everything clung to one another — no certificate, no visa. For Russia, this seems unreal, because some say the country is in disorder, but some moments here are practically perfect. Dasha and I compare some moments, and I understand this. If there are any delays, they are resolved.

We lived in different countries for six months. It was a difficult time, but we communicated every day, supported each other, and tried to return to China. While I was dealing with documents, Covid appeared there.

D. I didn«t watch the news, but of course heard about the new virus in Wuhan. I was skeptical about it. I thought it was some seasonal illness, outbreaks of which often happen in China. I survived swine flu in Harbin and don»t remember it affecting me or acquaintances in any way. In general, we didn«t take it seriously.

Vadu at the end of 2019 bought a ticket from Angola to China with a transfer in Kenya. From there, we talked on video call, were very happy that we would meet soon. We planned that in a month he would prepare everything for our return. But after this conversation, Vadu disappeared for three days.

I started watching the news and understood that actually in China it«s a nightmare, much more serious than a usual flu outbreak. Vadu»s relatives also lost him, couldn«t reach him, no news. I started worrying, foolish thoughts arose. I imagined all sorts of things. Together with his relatives, we went through versions — whether he was in China or not, what could happen there. But after three days, Vadu got in touch and told everything. It turned out that all passengers were not allowed into China.

O. I was issued a visa for one or two years, but with mandatory exit from China every three months. Despite having a visa, me and other passengers of our plane were not wanted to be let into the country. They just needed to find a reason stronger than an official document to send me back to Angola.

I was detained, they started asking for phones of those who would confirm that I am doing business. Since I hadn«t been in China for almost a year and a half, the connection was lost. I found some numbers, but they didn»t work. Almost everyone on the plane faced the same check. Some were checked for involvement in crimes, allegedly there was some criminal among the passengers. They held us for three days, then sent us back.

D. We waited so long for some shift to happen. And when it did, everything turned out the same as before. Vadu in Angola, we — in Russia, and this was scarier than the planned six-month separation.

— How was the appearance of a mixed-race child in Chita perceived? Was there any increased interest?

D. I«m already used to it and don»t notice anything like that. But of course, people pay attention to my son, ask where his father is from. Quite often they ask to take a photo. At basketball, older guys met him — they were interested. But all this is with positivity, practically no open negativity.

In Russia, the word «negro» is not considered an insult, it«s just stating a fact: I am white, you are negro. However, in Guangzhou, this word is generally not pronounced. So, when I heard it in Russia, I was offended, but then resigned.

I can recall only one negative incident. My son just started school, boys from the 4th grade started showing attention to him. First, they came to look at him, then fights started. This is the only time I had to intervene to protect him. But Evandro showed himself well, didn«t pay attention for a long time and didn»t tell me. He has a lot of energy, and he doesn«t mind pushing or even fighting.

— How did Oswaldo maintain contact with his son during this time? What did you talk about?

O. This is a very difficult period. When Daria was pregnant, we didn«t know the child»s gender, but I really wanted a boy to be born. In China, abortions were often done if they knew the first would be a girl, and parents were stopped from being told the gender. This ban applied to us too, even though we are foreigners. No matter how we persuaded the doctors, they didn«t tell. We tried to guess by the shape of the belly. There was even such a case: we were watching an Angolan analogue of the show »The Voice«, and a youth named Evandro won, this name we chose for the child. Then we thought: it»s not for nothing, because there are so many different names in the world, but here such a coincidence.

The birth of a boy made me very happy. I wanted him to be like me, wanted to raise him and give him an education. But after the separation, we could only communicate via video call, and all news I learned only from Dasha. She sent photos, described what he learned to do.

It often happens that you plan one thing, but God in the end arranges everything differently. When I ended up in Angola and got stuck there due to coronavirus, the business collapsed. I lost my source of income, was in deep depression, but still communicated with the family every day. It saved me.

D. It was also very difficult for me due to complete uncertainty. There wasn«t even a thought that Vadu would come to Russia. I don»t know why, but this option fell away long ago. Although I saw how bad it was for both of us. Without discussing, we came to the conclusion: for now, we don«t plan anything, but just support each other. I told about Ivan, how he started walking, how he started talking, started running. We just discuss such cute moments and give each other time to recover.

After the failed meeting, we experienced severe stress. It seemed that any moment, in a month, we would see each other and be together, but it turned out even worse, and it«s unclear what to do. Daily communication saved us.

O. Then came a period when hope almost faded. I had financial difficulties due to the closed business. Dasha was with a small child and earned only for living.

D. At this moment, I started a severe depression, lasting several years. I even remember these years poorly — how I lived and what I felt, because everything is as in a fog. I took care of my son and called Vadu, but lived with the feeling that I was alone in this city, although of course my parents supported me. Vadu believes in God and said: «I know that if something is meant to happen, it will happen anyway. Maybe not when I want, but when God decides.» Hope didn«t leave him, but I had nothing at all.

— How was the decision made for Vadu to move to Chita?

O. I got a job at a Chinese company. I managed to save money, and at some point, a friend suggested going to Portugal. Since my native language is Portuguese, it«s easier to find work there. We started thinking that, having earned money, we could more easily connect the family.

D. At this time, we started discussing the move to Russia little by little. Our son already started school, chose a section, was developing, and I didn«t want to drop everything. It already seems pointless. Vadu said that in principle he is ready to come, but wants to earn a good amount so as not to appear in Russia empty-handed in front of my relatives. We bothered about these things, thought how inconvenient it was that he was gone for so long.

There were fears about how my dad would meet him — a retired officer, a person of the old school. We leaned towards Vadu working a year in Portugal, then coming to us or us to him. And then Vadu said that in pursuit of earnings, we are delaying our meeting, chasing something instead of finally living together.

O. I thought that time is passing, at that time I was almost 40 years old, and my son was already nine. At some point, I felt that God wants me to live with my family, wherever it is. As if I received a blessing.

D. In parallel, I also thought that if he goes to Europe, our meeting could be hindered by the political situation. They won«t give a visa, deny entry, who knows what could happen in a year? And then again it»s unknown how long to wait. Discussing this, we came to the conclusion that we just need to live together, and that«s it. Suddenly it became somehow easy, all fears about dad, about money, and all that went away.

Surprisingly, the strongest worry was in vain. Dad accepted Vadu very well. He is a reserved person, not used to showing his emotions. But dad showed with deeds that he is glad for him. I think he is glad that with his grandson, his own father and the family are finally together.

— What do you plan to do in Chita?

O. I was tormented by fears, what can I do in Russia? But we later also understood that actually there is something to do here. In China, I worked as a professional trainer because I have been involved in sports since childhood. The Chinese were interested not only because of good training but also because I am a foreigner and can practice their English. If there are documents permitting work, then this is possible in Chita too.

In life, I have two passions: sports and business. Fitness is not only helping myself but also the people I train. When I train a person, I like to see how he changes not only in body but also in his mood — becomes more confident and gains motivation.

For business, more time is needed to understand how the Russian market works and what interesting things can be done here.

— Did Evandro wait for his dad? What was your meeting like?

O. Very emotional. I hugged him, and my heart beat very strongly. When we first hugged at the airport, I felt that my heart stopped bleeding. I became calm.

The boy wanted to interact with a man, to wrestle with someone. When we first went to the gym with him, my dream came true: to conduct a training session with my son. I have experience in sports, and it needs to be passed on to someone. Now my dreams are coming true.

D. Of course, our son is very happy to see his dad. But sometimes he doesn«t understand what is happening. Vadu has been here only about three months, and Ivan sometimes asks: »Is dad definitely not leaving? Is everything okay with his visa?«

— Does Vadu plan to obtain Russian citizenship?

D. Now he only has a visa. The second step is a temporary residence permit, it is given for three years. Then a residence permit is issued and only then — citizenship. We have now submitted documents for RVP (temporary residence permit), which gives the right to work. But we also need to pass an exam in Russian language — it«s quite difficult. But it really helps to learn the language.

— There is a stereotype that people with African roots tolerate frosts very poorly. How did Vadu perceive our -35°C (-31°F)?

O. I myself don«t believe that I am here. In severe frost, my head starts to hurt, but it passes if I sleep a bit longer. Apparently, the body adapts in this way. I didn»t even catch a cold in winter. Where there is love, you can endure frost too. It doesn«t matter that it»s minus 40°C (-40°F) outside, the main thing is that we are together.

D. Actually, this is our first joint New Year. So all difficulties go to some tenth plan.

— How do you combine different cultures? What traditions of Vadu«s family and Dasha»s family united in your family?

D. We don«t have the feeling that we are from different cultures and are combining something. In Guangzhou, we lived and befriended people from different countries, and it seemed we traveled the whole world. I think that with Vadu, it»s easy for us to be together because of a similar worldview. I don«t feel that he is from another country. It seems like he has always lived here. Even all Russian food suited his taste.

O. I pay attention to nutrition so that training gives results. Everything cooked in the family is useful for sports. What causes a bit of shock is that people like to drink.

D. Vadu met almost all neighbors in our entrance. During New Year holidays, some men invited him to drink with them.

— What habits or character traits seemed strange, but then became cute and dear?

O. We have known each other for more than ten years. Sometimes she is very emotional. My duty is to take care of her, I must prompt and help her. During the separation, we didn«t change much. The difference is only that distance taught us to be more patient with each other and value each other and the family more. Of course, we have misunderstandings somewhere.

D. There is one point that I am still learning to live with. Due to my emotionality, it is important for me to constantly be in contact with Vadu — to be near, to touch each other. If I feel bad, I need to talk. With Vadu, it«s the opposite, if he is not in the state, he needs peace, needs to be silent, sometimes even a day or two. He sorts out his thoughts on shelves. During this time, I can imagine things, but I am getting used to this feature.

— What have you taught each other over all these years?

D. I continue to learn to be like Vadu — faithful to my dream and maintain calmness.