Mother Searches Alone for Son Missing in Volgograd Region
«Every time we go to the cemetery, I leave a poster on the cross with the words: »May you be cursed, Anton«s offender.» I am sure: if my son died, it was at someone«s hand; if he is alive, he should know that we are looking for him.»
Nina Rybalchenko from the city of Kamyshin in Volgograd Region is searching alone for her only son who disappeared without a trace under strange circumstances. Every day she wakes up with the thought that Anton will definitely return home. And this thought is the only thing that keeps her alive. But Anton has not come back for 9 years.
After two years of searching, the investigation officially declared him dead based on remains found in a ravine. The woman was given a small box with bones and told that it was her son and he needed to be buried. However, she refuses to believe the results of the investigation and still posts missing person flyers around the city in the hope that someone will call her.
V1.RU correspondents visited Kamyshin and found out what happened on the day Anton disappeared, why the investigation believes he committed suicide, and why Nina is sure that her son was killed or taken into slavery.
«You can»t say he was troublesome«
We met Nina at her mother«s apartment — Anton»s grandmother. The woman says she hardly ever appears in the apartment where she used to live with her son. She has nothing to do there: no one to cook for, clean for, do laundry for... The grief-stricken mother only leaves letters for her son on the kitchen table and believes that he will hear her...
We had barely entered the room when Nina immediately surrounded herself with photos of her son, his certificates, references from school, and numerous responses from the Investigative Committee (SK), police, and prosecutor«s office, which she calls »brush-offs.«
«Anton was a conscientious student, completed all assignments, did not have leadership qualities. You can»t say anything bad about him, you can«t say he was troublesome,» Nina says. «He didn»t have close friends that he would visit or that would come over. He was part of a group, everyone was friendly to him. Anton finished 11 grades, didn«t go to study in other cities, even though he had the highest Unified State Exam (USE) results in his class. After school, he enrolled in our institute in Kamyshin, a branch of Volgograd State Technical University (VolgGTU). He wanted to enroll there himself because he understood that later he could get a job at a defense plant. It»s a stable salary, stable work. Again, Moscow, dormitory, safety... He wouldn«t have ended up in the special military operation.»
«Why didn»t he go study in other cities?« the journalist asks.
«It was safer for him here. Home-cooked food, established routine. He was a bit afraid of everyday hardships. He was more comfortable here. He woke up, got dressed, went to study, came back. In a strange city, it would have been difficult for him,» Nina says. «At the institute, he had the highest academic rating. Anton did paid work. There was a queue for him. They told him: »Why do you charge so little money?« But he didn»t need money. He had everything: a computer, laptop, tablet, phone.«
Nina says that she and her son lived alone in a one-room apartment. She divorced her husband when Anton was only a year old. Since then, she says, the father and son hardly communicated. But, as Nina assures, her son had enough male upbringing from his grandfather.
Anton«s father, when questioned, said that in 1997 he married Nina, from whom he divorced in 1998. After the divorce, he did not maintain relations with his son. Nina did not allow him to communicate with his son. She turned Anton against him. He characterized his ex-wife negatively, as an aggressive and rude person. The circumstances of Anton»s disappearance are unknown to him.
«We had ordinary days. He woke up, went to the institute. He had excellent relations with his classmates. There was no bullying, humiliation, or undermining of self-esteem. After studies, he played chess and train games on the computer. A homebody. He wasn»t a clown in a circus to entertain, but he could answer any question because his favorite shows were «Own Game» and «Who Wants to Be a Millionaire,»« Nina says. »He didn«t have a girlfriend. I told him: »Antosh, look how many girls there are around you.« He brushed it off. I also asked: »Antosh, why aren«t you dating a girl? Maybe you don»t have pocket money?« He said: »I have studies now.« We were calm about it. Maybe by his 2nd or 3rd year he would have been interested. We were happily waiting for the age when he would meet a girl, and we would have grandchildren...»
Anton«s essay in 11th grade:
I have a friend who is very withdrawn, and many peers turn away from him. He thinks that if he is fine being alone, he will be happy in life. I believe this is wrong. A person should not be lonely all the time. He should have if not friends, then good acquaintances, close ones, loved ones with whom he can spend his whole life. You can»t remain withdrawn all your life. After all, loneliness can break and destroy a person. I think a person can consider himself happy if he is in a circle of friends, acquaintances, close ones, next to a loved one.
«I blame myself that my mother»s heart didn«t sense the trouble»
17 August 2016 is remembered by Nina like a nightmare, and she still blames herself that her heart didn«t sense the trouble. That day, Anton went to the dacha to water the garden. In the evening, he was supposed to return home on the dacha bus.
«We were at home with my son, in our apartment. I was sitting in the kitchen, watching a program, I have a sofa there, a TV. Anton was in his room, playing on the computer. The landline phone rang. My son ran up, picked up the receiver, says: »Mom, it«s from the police.» I say: «What from the police? I don»t have time.« He wrote down the phone number. It was Nekhoroshkov. He was then head of the drug enforcement department. I say: »I«ll call him back later.» I associated it with a neighbor. We have adjacent apartments with a shared corridor. The neighbor is troublesome. The police often asked me to call when he appeared at home,« Nina recalls the evening of 16 August. »I should have gotten up, taken the receiver... In the morning he went to the dacha bus with his things, I went to work. He took my phone with him because his phone had MTS service, and MTS doesn«t catch signal at the dacha. At seven in the evening he was supposed to return home. That»s it...«
That day, Anton was supposed to sleep at home, but he didn«t return. On the evening of 17 August, Nina and her cousin went to the dacha for Anton — he wasn»t there, and there were locks on the doors.
«The dacha bus arrived, I came home from work at eight in the evening. My son isn»t there. I called my mom, say: «Mom, why did he go to you again? Today is my day.» He lived two days at home, two days at grandma«s, because I worked. Mom says: »He«s not here.» We called the bus driver. He says: «He wasn»t there, he didn«t get on.» I called my cousin, and we went in his car to the dacha,« Nina recalls. »We arrived — lock on the gate, the dacha house closed. I ran around, shouted — silence. The garden is dry, he didn«t water anything. Neighbors say they saw him until 10 a.m., then he disappeared somewhere. The phone and money were lying on the table. The bicycle from the second floor disappeared.»
What could have happened? The mother«s and investigation»s versions
Since then, Anton has been searched for by relatives, volunteers, police, military. Nina had many different versions of what could have happened to her son: murder, slavery, moving to another country, but not suicide...
«No one paid attention. Well, the boy went on a binge, he»ll show up. At first, everyone treated the disappearance very lightly,« Nina says. »Before that, we had a good friend of mine at the dachas. He died. And exactly on the day Anton disappeared, it was 40 days since his death. I thought that relatives organized a memorial and invited Anton. But no one invited him.«
Nina thought that her son might have gone by bicycle to the field for a watermelon, where guards saw him. According to her, the men — former prisoners — could have killed Anton.
«The guards were questioned, but they weren»t given a polygraph. Suppose he ended up at these melon fields, where there was loading. They told him: here, you«ll earn money. When the loading ended, people left, and these ones, to avoid paying him... If people were convicted for murder, for them to kill a person is like cracking seeds for us,» the woman believes.
During the search, Nina received strange messages from unknown numbers saying that Anton was in a pre-trial detention center (SIZO) in Kyiv, in captivity in Dagestan... But none of these versions were confirmed. On 15 August 2017, a year after the search began, investigators opened a criminal case under the article «Murder.»
«I don»t believe these are Anton«s remains»
As Nina tells it, in December 2017, one of the farmers of the Belogorskoye hunting farm located several kilometers from the dacha community found a bicycle while inspecting his plot. In May, human remains, clothing, and a rope hanging on a tree were found near this bicycle.
«The forester thought that someone went fishing or hunting and left the bicycle. He took it home. So it stood in their garden near the fence. The wife says to this gamekeeper: »You know, about this boy who disappeared, it«s written online that he had a bicycle with him.» The man contacted the police. He was taken to the investigative department for a polygraph. He said that near that place there is a deep ravine,« Nina says. »On 17 May 2018, an investigative team went there. They descended into this ravine, found remains. There was no skull, hair, rib cage, teeth. Only tibia bones... And clothing. I didn«t identify these things because Anton disappeared in light yellow clothing, but a gray-green T-shirt, brown shorts were found. The bicycle seat was absolutely new, no damage, no corrosion. We think it»s a setup. Because the authorities needed this case to be closed.«
However, Nina does not believe that these remains belong to her son and does not understand how he could have ridden a bicycle with a flat tire for 11 kilometers.
«This bicycle won»t go far. My Anton weighed 90 kilograms (about 198 lbs). For him to ride it 11 kilometers uphill — that«s impossible,» the woman says. «All my arguments: no skull, didn»t identify the clothing, bicycle with a flat tire — were ignored. These remains could belong to any person who worked in the fields. As they said: the corpse was eaten by wild animals. But the clothing found there is almost in good condition, intact. Wash it, and you can wear it.«
«May you be cursed, Anton»s offender. May you be cursed«
On 23 August 2018, Anton«s remains were buried at the city cemetery. Nina recalls: she was given a shoebox in which »a few bones rattled.« Anton»s grandmother says she forced herself to believe in her grandson«s death, otherwise she would have gone mad.
«We buried him as a full person. Now we go to the cemetery. Because to live with this thought every day, that he will knock or someone will knock and say, here he is... It»s impossible. I calmed down. I believe the papers that he is dead. 9 years have passed, and not a sound, nothing...« says Valentina Grigoryevna.
At the city cemetery, Anton Rybalchenko«s grave is very easy to find. It is distinguished by a bright red poster on the cross with the words: »May you be cursed, Anton«s offender.» The woman does not know who stands behind this «offender,» but she is sure that he exists, and wants the unknown enemy to be punished.
«I don»t believe he is dead, but whether he is alive — I don«t know. Every time I hang this poster with hope that my curse will reach. They say a mother»s prayer will raise from the sea floor, and a mother«s curse should also help,» Nina says. «I believe my son didn»t disappear for no reason. And if he is dead, it«s not by his own fault. So we come with my mom, hold hands and say: »May you be cursed, Anton«s offender.» But there is no reaction. When we come here, there is hope that he will leave something here. Maybe some note will be. Antoshka, Antoshka, what have you done...«
«I don»t think something happened to him here«
The dacha where Anton was last seen no longer belongs to them. Nina believed that her son would return, and the dacha would go to his family. But the son did not return, and it became harder for the woman to manage the household. Nina decided to sell the plot. Now other people are tending the garden here.
«It»s unlikely that something terrible could have happened at the dacha. There are neighbors here. Here are neighbors, here. And in the evening we already came with my brother, but he wasn«t here,» Nina reasons. «I think he went to get a watermelon from the melon fields, while there was no water. Most likely, he took the bicycle, hung bags on it to not carry the watermelon. Maybe he stole it, and maybe because of that he ended up with the guards. Maybe at first he even worked to earn money. And then, if they saw he was alone... But how did he lower the bicycle alone? Only on a rope... But he definitely couldn»t ride it, the tire didn«t hold. He could have ridden to the melon fields to take or buy a watermelon. He had money. But to go uphill — no.»
«We fall asleep with the hope that now we»ll lie down to sleep and die«
In the apartment where Nina once lived with her son, his childhood drawings and family photo albums are still preserved. In the closet are Anton«s clothes that he outgrew long ago, and in the corridor stands his shoes.
«Hello, Antoshka,» Nina said as soon as she entered the apartment. «Here are his shoes standing here, to create the appearance that he is home. Here is his favorite actor from the series »Glukhar« (»The Grouse«). Here are his childhood drawings. We gave away almost all his things. He outgrew them, they are small for him. I hardly ever come here, only to wipe the dust. Life without a son is life without a future. Without caring for him, without grandchildren, without troubles. It»s when the washing machine isn«t turned on because there»s nothing to wash, no desire to cook. A pot will go down the toilet. I sometimes walk around and deliberately leave some papers, crumbs, so there is something to clean, and to grumble: «Here, didn»t put away the shoes, didn«t fold the shirt.» I re-wash his clothes so they hang on the line in the bathroom. As if he is home...«
On the kitchen table lie letters that Nina leaves for her son in the hope that he will read them someday.
«Antoshenka, I tearfully beg you, stay home. This is your home. Grandma and I cry, waiting for you every second. Appear, son, appear. I love you.»
«Antosha, my dear, stay home. I know you are alive. Without you, there is no life. Joyless days. You hid from the war. We»ll solve everything. Mom.«
«Anton, my dear, have you really not forgiven grandma and me? My dear... We have no one dearer. It»s okay if you decided to live without us. But can we communicate? Anton, I love you more than life and a little more. Appear. Live as you live, just appear. You are alive.«
«Antoshka, my dear, we were very afraid that you might end up in the war. Did you hide from the war? All correct. But can we communicate? No one is eavesdropping on us, no one is looking for you. If you walk around the city — no one will stop you. There is no life without you. You are the best, needed, necessary.»
«How long are you willing to wait?» the journalist asks.
«You know, like in that poem: »Simply you knew how to wait, like no one else.« I wait for him every second. Here a man walks down the street, and it seems to me that it»s Anton walking. I want to howl from helplessness. You get these brush-offs, «correspondence with you is terminated.» It«s horror,» Nina says. «The fact that Anton is not by my side means there is no future for me. What»s the point of living? I now live like a vegetable. Got up in the morning for work, lay down in the evening. Woke up in the morning and think: why did I wake up? I only have thoughts about one thing: I am waiting for death.«
«What would you want to tell him now?»
«Forgive me, Antosh. We are waiting for you, waiting with all our might, waiting every day, waiting every second. We didn»t bury you. We need you very much. If he came, I would kneel before him, ask for forgiveness. Once I dreamed that Anton came and I told him: «Okay, now go and take down all your missing person flyers.» I dreamed that I was kissing and hugging him. He is adult, handsome, tall.«
«Why don»t you live for yourself?«
«Every time we fall asleep with the hope that now we»ll lie down to sleep and die, so we even decided not to buy a new sofa. I eat to go to the toilet. Woke up to lie down to sleep in the evening. There«s no point. Before there were at least some worries: exams, studies, his successes, victories. And now what... a pointless life,» Nina says. «A person»s life consists of caring for someone, living for someone. Outside our windows is a stadium. I used to not leave this stadium. And now I don«t see the point in it. Manicure, hairstyle, beautiful clothes... What difference does it make what body will rot in the coffin, well-groomed or not.»
«Could not withstand an authoritarian mother...»
In the ruling on refusal to reopen the criminal case, it is stated that Anton had decided in advance to commit suicide. And this decision could have been prompted by his mother.
Anton had psychological characteristics of the emotional-volitional sphere, character, personality, interpersonal relations during his lifetime, which could significantly affect his mental state and behavior in the period preceding his disappearance, namely withdrawal, timidity, introversion, depression, passivity, which is highly likely to have formed under the influence of directive and authoritarian attitude from the mother, a vicious style of her educational influences of the type dominant overprotection. Considering Anton Rybalchenko«s life situation, it is highly probable that in the period immediately preceding his disappearance, he made the decision to commit suicide, which was not demonstrative, affective, spontaneous, not conditioned by any acute situational frustrating factor. The decision was formed by Rybalchenko over a relatively long time, was conscious. Social isolation, deprivation of actual needs, inability to conceive and fulfill desires, absence of life perspective, trusting emotional relations, inability to withstand an authoritarian mother with high probability could have conditioned Anton»s decision to commit suicide. There are indications that in the period immediately preceding his disappearance, he considered a specific method of committing suicide.
«He can come to the attention of a psychiatrist only after a suicide attempt»
Psychiatrist, professor of the Department of Neurology, Psychiatry, Manual Medicine and Medical Rehabilitation at the Institute of NMFO of Volgograd State Medical University (VolgGMU), Doctor of Medical Sciences Yelena Tarakanova explained in a conversation with a V1.RU correspondent: if you look at the model of five stages of accepting the inevitable, the woman stopped at denial and depression.
«First, a person has an acute reaction to stress — the first days, weeks, months. Then this reaction should either resolve or not. Moreover, it can resolve in any direction: for the better — for example, the son was found, alive, healthy. Or for the worse — after a time he was declared dead. Here the situation resolved. It sounds harsh, but it is so. However, the woman»s condition does not change,« the doctor says. »She continues to be at the stage of denial: «this can»t be,« »this isn«t happening to me.» On one hand, this allows her to stay afloat somewhat, there is some meaning in her life. On the other hand, if the son was officially declared dead, but the woman is sure he is alive, we, as psychiatrists, say that this is not quite an adequate reaction.«
«I didn»t bury my son«
Nina continues to post missing person flyers around the city about searching for her son, leaves him notes on the table, and carries a poster with a mother«s curse everywhere. But for many years she has been doing this alone. Relatives have believed in Anton»s death and go to his grave, colleagues and acquaintances say Nina has gone mad, and the investigation has stopped corresponding with her.
«You have repeatedly appealed to the investigative department with arguments disagreeing with the results of the investigation of the criminal case on the fact of the unknown disappearance of your son. All appeals have been considered by the apparatus of the investigative department, you have been given motivated answers. You have not presented new arguments, in connection with which I warn once again that in case of receipt of similar appeals, correspondence with you will be terminated,» Vasily Semenov, head of the Investigative Department of the Investigative Committee of Russia for Volgograd Region, responded to the woman.
Results of forensic biological examination:
«The bone remains of an unknown person»s corpse, discovered on 17 May 2018 on the territory of Belogorskoye hunting farm, on a slope of a gully, originated from a person of male genetic sex, whose genotype has been established.« Nina Rybalchenko is likely the biological mother of the above-mentioned unknown man. The probability of random coincidence of genetic traits identified in the DNA of the bone of the unknown man»s corpse and in the DNA sample of saliva from Nina Rybalchenko (presumed mother), in aggregate, is 2.31 multiplied by 10 to the power of -6. This means that on average one woman out of 433,000 could theoretically be the biological mother of the indicated unknown man.«
However, Nina believes that her son will definitely return home. And as soon as Anton returns, she will level his grave at the cemetery with the ground.
«I didn»t bury my son,« Nina says, »No one helps me in the search because he was declared dead. And to any place I appeal, they will tell me: officially he is dead.«
