Nizhny-Beach: How the Sunset Capital Would Look on the Equator

Autumn is the hardest time for those who love warmth. Sunny days are gradually leaving, and at least four snowy months lie ahead. It would be lovely to find ourselves with all of Nizhny Novgorod on the shore of a tropical sea. Or would it? NN.RU imagined what a clone of the sunset capital could be like near the equator.

No More Heating Shutdowns

So, we have magically moved Nizhny Novgorod to the equator. The walls of the kremlin now look not at the confluence of the Volga and Oka rivers, but, say, at the Amazon and Rio Negro in South America. Now all the cold-sensitive people should be happy: winter will never come, and jackets and hats can be sold as unnecessary. How will our life change?

First and foremost: no more spending on heating. The heating season now never begins. Well, unless the utility workers unite into a powerful union, pressure the authorities to build a boiler house, and turn it on in the heat just to keep things interesting. Who knows them?

But everything has a downside. We will have to spend huge amounts of money on air conditioners. The authorities will have to think about where to get energy: build power plants, lay new lines, and so on. Until additional capacity is introduced, electricity prices will be high, however, this is just «temporary difficulties» — with this slogan, Nizhny Novgorod residents are well acquainted from the prolonged metro construction.

Also, the stormwater system will have to be seriously improved. Instead of winter, the rainy season arrives at the equator, and in the forests of South America, more precipitation falls than anywhere else. The city administration will have to reinvent the city, doing everything so that water leaves the streets as quickly as possible. Or accept the inevitable and introduce route boats. Fortunately, we are already training personnel for such a change at the University of Water Transport.

Tourism and Other Joys of the Tropics

After the wonderful teleportation, something else will change in the lives of Nizhny Novgorod residents. For example, there will be no need to wait for June to open the swimming season: you can swim even in December. But will you want to swim in rivers where anacondas, caimans, piranhas, and three-meter arapaimas live? However, you can sunbathe on the beach, because there, city residents will be greeted by cute capybaras: the only animals that are friends with everyone. Moreover, instead of cows and sheep, farmers will keep llamas and alpacas. In general, you will calmly see half the animals from the Nizhny Novgorod zoo behind the fence.

People will come to the million-plus city not only for architecture and sunsets, but also for exoticism. The industry of rafting on wild rivers and jungle hikes will flourish. The city police, perhaps, will have to take machetes in hand and lead adventure seekers on photo hunts for jaguars. Well, in this matter, the main thing is not to turn from hunter into prey.

Unfortunately, the load on the city«s medical system will increase. To the annual waves of coronavirus, various tropical fevers, subcutaneous parasites, and bites from vampire bats will be added. We will have to create many more targeted places in PIMU or provide preferential loans for bungalows in the Nizhny Novgorod district.

Overheated Economy

One person who would definitely be happy about the unexpected relocation of Nizhny Novgorod to the tropics is the publicist Andrey Parshev. The thing is, back in the late 90s, he wrote a book «Why Russia Is Not America». In it, he explained that Russia cannot develop production as quickly as warm countries. The reason is that here, for a factory, you need to build a capital building, whereas somewhere in China or Thailand, you just need to put a rain shelter over the equipment. In general, producing «Gazelles» will be much cheaper. Perhaps, the plant will switch back to a five-day work week.

The problem is that many productions require not heating, but cooling. For example, mining cryptocurrency or maintaining servers for AI will be much harder there than on the banks of the Volga, and this is supposedly the production of the future. So it«s still a question whether anything will be gained from the move to the equator.

However, what will definitely flourish is agriculture. We will have to give up wheat and rye, but instead, Nizhny Novgorod residents will be able to grow coffee, and here it will cost not a thousand rubles per kilogram (approximately $11 at current rates) and more, but, say, 500 (about $5 at current rates). Imagine how many new cool coffee shops will open? In stores, a huge amount of fresh fruit will appear. Nizhny Novgorod bananas, oranges, coconuts, mangoes, and a bunch more, and everything will be fresh, not like sometimes in stores now.

But in fact, a reputational factor will prevent us from moving to the tropics. Kazan will think that we have given up and will no longer fight for the title of the best city on the Volga. This cannot be allowed, so we stay here and develop with all our might!

Earlier, we fantasized about what Nizhny Novgorod would look like if it became the capital of Russia. Read about it in our previous article.