Unusual Abkhaz Traditions to Know
In Abkhazia (South Caucasus, Black Sea coast), many customs may seem unusual to other peoples. Yet each has deep meaning and a history stretching back millennia. All are part of Apsuara — the Abkhaz code of honor — and many have survived to this day. The author of the «Travels with a Camera» blog on Dzen shared the most popular ones.
A ledger for weddings and funerals
At weddings, guests traditionally bring gifts. Everything given to the newlyweds is recorded in a special ledger. A year, five, or ten later, when another family celebrates, the «debt» is repaid. They look: «How much did those people give?» and choose a return gift accordingly. The same custom applies at funerals: the deceased’s family is given money, and every amount is entered in the ledger.
Politely refusing help
If someone offers you help or a treat, you should not agree immediately. First you must politely decline — more than once — so as not to seem pushy. The one who offers will not give up either and will insist. Only after such persuasion should you accept the help or gift. This is how Abkhaz people show respect.
Without names
In a traditional family, it is not customary to address each other by name. A husband calls his wife «mother of my children», «dear», or simply addresses her without a name. The wife does the same. This can surprise visitors, especially when a couple has been together thirty years and has never said each other’s names aloud. But the idea behind it is respect. A name is intimate, almost sacred, and publicly addressing someone by name can seem overly familiar — especially in the presence of elders.
Different surnames for mother and child
After marriage, an Abkhaz woman does not take her husband’s surname. She keeps her own clan surname — a belonging to kin, land, and ancestors. Children take their father’s surname. As a result, even within one family, mother and child may have different surnames, and no one finds it odd.
Families a thousand strong
Among Abkhaz people, the clan — reflected in the surname — stands for an entire community: hundreds of people linked by common ancestors. Each clan has its own ancestral village and within it a sacred place: a tree, a spring, a temple.
Clan assemblies are held regularly, especially on holidays, memorial dates, or ahead of important events.
Everyone in black
In Abkhazia today many still wear dark, often black clothing. Mourning for the deceased lasts up to a year. During this time, close relatives — especially women — continue to wear black, forgo jewelry, and avoid festive events. But in Abkhazia, not only those in mourning wear black. Black clothing signifies restraint — it is not customary to display emotions openly. In addition, no frivolity in dress is allowed: an Abkhaz man will never wear shorts and a revealing tank top; an Abkhaz woman — a short skirt or a low-cut blouse.
No shouting
Calling out loudly across a yard — especially to summon an elder — is improper. It is like banging your fist on the table. The right thing is to come closer, greet the person, and begin to speak. It may seem like a small thing, but such details express respect. In Abkhazia, much revolves around respect and dignity.
Always greet
You must greet everyone. Even if you met in the morning, greet again at midday. If you do not, someone may take offense. It can look like a formality, but in fact it says: «I see you», «You matter to me». In recent times, men often greet one another with three kisses on the cheeks. But, they say, this has nothing to do with Apsuara.
Informal address for everyone
The Abkhaz language has no polite «vy» form. Everyone addresses one another with the informal «ty». Intonation, gesture, and gaze, however, can convey the utmost respect.
Do not leave the table
At a large table where family, clan members, neighbors, and guests are seated, younger people may not stand before their elders — even if they are tired. This is a rule of hierarchy. Those who are older decide when it is time to leave. The same applies to starting the meal: until the elder invites people to eat, no one may take food from the table.
No toast to love
At feasts, as many as 100 toasts may be proposed. Their order is strictly regulated and must not be violated. They begin with words for peace, for ancestors, for children, for health. But you will not hear a toast «to love», because love in Abkhaz culture is intimate. It is not brought to the table; it is not proclaimed in public.
Stand in the presence of elders
Even if you are tired, sitting, eating, or working — if an elder enters, you must stand. It does not matter whether you know the person or not. It is a rule of respect.
Elders
In Abkhazia they still consult elders when making important decisions. There is even a council of elders. Someone going away to study — they will be sure to discuss it with an uncle or great-uncle. Someone building a house — elders will be invited to inspect the plot. Even political questions are sometimes brought before the council of elders.
Gold as a gift
If you are a relative or close friend of the bride or groom, you cannot come to the wedding without a gold gift. A chain, ring, earrings — something is obligatory. Specifically gold.
No speaking with the father-in-law
In a traditional Abkhaz family, a daughter-in-law does not speak directly to her father-in-law. She avoids eye contact and does not sit in his presence. This may seem strange to some, but behind it lies the idea that the father-in-law is an elder and therefore distance must be kept.
Keeping shoes on
If you are visiting an Abkhaz home, do not hurry to take off your shoes. You will be politely but insistently asked to keep them on. The host does not want you to feel like «a guest». Taking off your shoes is like reminding you that you are an outsider here. In Abkhaz culture, a guest should feel like one of their own — if only for an evening.
From the Abkhaz point of view, it all makes sense — it is logical, convenient, and clear. For travelers and tourists, knowing these traditions helps in understanding the culture and finding common ground with locals.
